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May. 27th, 2010

red rei

Show Me This: (Blogger X-post)

Here is what I would absolutely love to see or read: A fantasy (or contemporary sci-fi) television show or book series with strong, realistic character focus, creative/surprising plot and action elements, female characters as good as male characters (and not just as interesting; they should be just as badass and plot-important as any of the male characters; if one character has to be Most Important, I'd prefer a female, just because you see that less often), a cast of characters who aren't all straight and/or white, multiple actively bisexual characters, and strong polyamory, queer, and sex-positive themes.

Everything I'm working on fits this description either perfectly or partially. (Specifically, the book fits all of it;

This is one reason I'm looking forward to the Game of Thrones TV show (and why I love the books); the book series fits all of the above except that the poly/queer themes are only minor (and thus sadly may not make it to the show), most of the characters are at least nominally white, and there's only one major actively bisexual character. But everything else fits - and this is all in SPITE of the extremely male-dominant anti-feminist pseudo-medieval setting. I don't favor epic fantasy, but I make an exception here.

(That might be misleading. I love the idea of epic fantasy, but since I want character focus and not setting focus, I usually end up disappointed by the genre. This includes The Lord of the Rings books; in the movies, you at least had the actors to convincingly emote. You don't get that in the books - not enough, anyway.)

If you know of a book or book series that fits all these criteria, point me the fuck to it. I don't think it exists. (I *know* there's no TV series that does.)

Which is, of course, why I have to write them.

Feb. 19th, 2010

red rei

Guilty Pleasures, Part 1 (Blogger xpost)


Background: As mentioned earlier, I'm an aspiring fantasy/sf author, who's managed to avoid (either accidentally or on purpose) many Great, or at least Popular, works of fantasy and sci-fi. So I'm making up for lost time, and posting recaps and reactions on this blog. I've already started on Wheel of Time, in the epic fantasy genre. For balance, in the contemporary/urban fantasy genre, I'm going with the famous-slash-infamous Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series.

What I know:

  • Anita Blake paved the way for stuff like the (excellent) show True Blood (and of course, the book series off which it is based).

  • Oh, and sex. Lots of sex. From what I hear, eventually Hamilton writes sex with the eagerness that Jordan writes descriptions. Which makes it a bit appropriate for this blog.

  • To sum up: This comic. (Alt link.)


So, without further adieu, let's get to the first book in the Anita Blake series: Guilty Pleasures.

Chapter 1

First off, the cover is ridiculous. But I know very well that's not the author's fault - authors don't get too much say in the covers they get.

Setting: Vampires and other supernatural beasties integrated into human society. Cue politics. And romance! But not yet, apparently. Anita Blake, professional zombie animator (!) doesn't like vampires; despite apparently being a vampire expert. So naturally a vampire has come to badger her for help. Anita snarks at Sleazy Vampire and kicks him out. Aaaaand the chapter is over, which throws me off for a second. I'm not used to books being short anymore.

Okay, so hang on a second. She's a professional zombie animator? That sounds pretty interesting. Why did I never hear about that angle before? She tells us she's off to raise someone from the dead to clarify an issue with his will. I'm interested.

Anita is pointlessly coy about whether she is or isn't human. Sleazy Vampire says she isn't, because she can see him move at super speed (I guess; it might just be an illusion) and jump out of the way; Anita has not a solitary thought on this. Why? Is she or isn't she?

This chapter isn't... amazing, but it's not bad either, and it has some pretty great lines. Sleazy Vampire wears Crayola green pants. "Surely vampires should have rich, melodious laughs." The opening lines - "Willie McCoy had been a jerk before he died. His being dead didn't change that." - are a good hook.

Chapter 2

This chapter is even shorter, at a whopping 2.5 pages in mass market paper back. Anita lets herself get roped into an upcoming plot contrivance being the designated driver for a bachelorette party. It seems a little out of place, because I don't get the feeling that the author wants us to think that Anita is a wimpy pushover. It's odder how Anita switches from "I really really don't want to do this" to "eh, I guess it might be okay" in under two pages, with no reasons proffered in between. I guess Anita felt the Pull of the Plot.

Chapter 3

Anita and the Posse of Bachelorette make a surprise visit to the only vampire strip club In The World, because Anita's friends are total assholes who enjoy tormenting her. Or maybe Anita just never got around to telling them one of her central defining traits so far? Either way, Anita continues to be Pushover McPassive by going anyway instead of, um, bailing like you'd think someone who's terrified of vampires would. (I could understand if she had some motivation like being concerned about her friends, but we're never told anything like this.)

The club is called Guilty Pleasures, and it's run by a smarmy stereotype of "master vampire" Jean-Claude. He looks "like a vampire was supposed to look". Basically, a refugee from Anne Rice. Jean-Claude really really wants to "mesmerize" Anita with his Eyes of Supernatural Hypnosis, and Anita keeps resisting (which makes her, apparently, unique among humans). So... great, he's a would-be rapist? We get more Anita being terrified of vampires, standing up to vampires anyway, and the reader getting hints about something supernatural about her related to vampires. Hints that go insistently without clarification.

Also, Anita gives up her cross, and we learn obliquely that she's a devout Christian. Um. This doesn't really fit with the S&M orgies I hear come later in the books - or maybe I'm wrong to automatically assume "fundamentalist/conservative" when I hear Christian.

On her giving up her cross: This kind of reads like her going into a club full of would-be rapists, who especially want to rape her because she's hard to get, and she hands over her pepper spray. ...What?! If you think that's a stretch because the metaphor doesn't quite match up, let me point out that Anita, at this point in the story, kinda does view vampires on that level. Why doesn't she just leave?

Chapter 4

More hot strip club action, showcasing a striptease by a hot guy covered in vampire bite marks, and everyone in the club gets briefly hypnotized as part of a vampiric show. Except for Anita, whose Vague Supernatural Powers of Whatever (we still aren't told anything) protect her. Jean-Claude almost hypnotizes her anyway before she FINALLY bails. But not without more of his smarm!

Another thing I don't buy: The hot bitten guy is fed on by a vampire, and he enjoys it. Anita acts stunned - STUNNED! - about this - it's not that she's horrified, but genuinely astonished that such a thing could happen. Why? Do they not have Dracula or Anne Rice in this universe? Even if not, if the trope still holds true, how did she miss it if she's such an Expert on Vampires?

(The Rest of) My Impressions So Far

So far, Guilty Pleasures reads more like something I'd want to write than Eye of the World; it's not necessarily superior so much as it focuses more on character than Scenery Porn setting, meaning it automatically appeals to me more. Your mileage may vary, of course.

Anita has some relatively good characterization, though minor characters could use some work: Jean-Claude is a cliche (intentionally so), and while Sleazy Vampire Willie from the first chapter directly deconstructs a vampire cliche, he's still just a different kind of cliche in a vampire suit. Anita being interesting is all I need to keep reading, though. For now.

Next time: Chapter 5 and beyond!

Feb. 9th, 2010

red rei

The Wheel of Time, Part 2 - The Eye of the World, Chapter 1 (Blogger xpost)

Recap: I'm an aspiring fantasy author, reading Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time for the first time.

Previously: Part 1.

Launching right in!

The Eye of the World, Chapter 1: An Empty Road



After an over-dramatic introduction ripped off of Lord of the Rings, we meet Our Hero, Luke Skywalker Rand al'Thor, who has a silly name and not much personality (yet?). His dad, Tam, is described as a matter-of-fact Casual Badass, but he doesn't actually do anything interesting this chapter. Boo. Neither does anyone else, though.

Rand is being stalked by a Nazgul a clearly supernatural rider dressed in black on a black horse who exudes (probably black) hatred of life and just so happens to look exactly like a Nazgul. He wants to shank Rand in the face, or so Rand senses through the Force either authorial contrivance or latent Magical Powers.

Rand has a penis, so if he DOES have magical powers, we'll have to deal with the Tainted Penis Magic from the prologue. $20 says he'll either be the destined Purifier of said Magic, or one of the Few who ends up being able use it. I don't know yet if this is one of those No Sex Allowed fantasy stories (like Tolkien and NOT George R. R. Martin), but if it's not, I hope this comes into play somehow. I'm not holding my breath, though.

We're introduced to Rand's Quaint Hometown Village, which can't be long for this world. Calling it now: this village is wiped off the map before the first act is over. Possibly by orcs. Or stormtroopers. The village - Emond's Field - is populated by stereotypes: whiny husbands and bitchy domineering women who cook, clean, and have a monopoly over magic. I'm tired of them before they're done being introduced.

Plus there's some girl who makes Rand's penis feel funny (how old is he, anyway?), but we don't get to meet her. Also, a best friend who has Rand's dad's name but backwards. (Look, I know this is inspired by Lord of the Rings, but I don't recall having to roll my eyes every time Tolkien introduced and named a new character.)

My Impressions So Far:

My hope for originality in this story is fading fast, though Jordan throws in some good details here and there. I particularly liked several turns of phrase (for instance, describing the danger of wolves and bears, and the chill wind that would rather bear snow), but just as often the description is unnecessary or overwritten.

Characters are a bit flat so far, even Tam, who seemed promising when initially described. Rand isn't super exciting as a naive Farm Boy lacking in personal magnetism. I'm completely unimpressed with depiction #1986759 of Stereotypical Men and Women; I'm kind of relieved that Rand's dad is a widower so we aren't subjected to Jordan's vision of what his Poor Dead Mother was like. Yet.

There's a seriously annoying bit where Rand info-dumps the Mystical History of the World. People don't talk like that. They just don't. Lucky it only lasts a few sentences.

(Alright, this post still only covers one chapter. Maybe next post will be multi-chapter. Maybe.)

Next time: Chapter 2!

Feb. 5th, 2010

red rei

The Wheel of Time, Part 1 - The Eye of the World, Prologue (Blogger xpost)

http://jakejesson.blogspot.com/2010/02/wheel-of-time-part-1.html



Quick recap: I'm an aspiring fantasy author, about to read Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time for the first time.

Wheel of time, turn, turn, turn. Show us the lesson that we should learn.

I run a risk by reading and analyzing this series. Why? Because Wheel of Time (WoT) has been around forever, and half the Internet already has an Opinion on it. I'm an Aspiring Fantasy Author. Either I dislike it, and alienate half my potential audience, or I like it, and alienate the other half. But hey, I've been called an enfant terrible by other writers before, so why stop now?

What I know about this series:
  • It's long.
  • Supposedly, it's a bit overwritten.
  • The main character has a silly last name (Rand al'Thor.)
  • It's long.
  • The main character is a Chosen One of some sort.
  • It's both well-loved and widely derided, possibly for the same reasons. Jordan is often mentioned in the same breath as Tolkien, though curiously not often in the same breath as George R. R. Martin, the so-called "American Tolkien" - except to contrast the two.
  • Robert Jordan died before the completion of the last massive book in this series, though he left copious notes to allow another author to finish it. Did I mention it's long?

So: On to the first book! (There's prequels, too, but I'm not going to bother with those right now.)

The Wheel of Time, Book One: The Eye of the World

Fair warning: I'm going to over-analyze this, because it's the opening. Suck it up.

Prologue: Dragonmount

Okay, the book title? Pretty damn cool, actually. The title to this prologue? Not so much. YMMV, of course.

Some crazy dude (Lews Therin) wanders through a palace, in the aftershocks of some mystical event - a 'mind twisting', which kills people, warps stone and marble and stuff, and ignores paintings and sculptures (for some reason). It's actually pretty cool, except...

Jordan doesn't seem to edit very much. For every good line, there's three mediocre lines. I've seen worse, but pretty good purple prose is still purple prose. As a writer who struggles with description now and then, this is something I'm sensitive to. Some of the prose is mystifying:
Broad black smears crossed the blistered paints and gilt of once-bright murals, soot overlaying crumbling friezes of men and animals, which seemed to have attempted to walk before the madness grew quiet.
The men and animals seemed to have attempted to walk...? Walk where? Seemed how? Attempted, but didn't succeed? We're never told. (For the record, though, I quite liked the first 2/3 of the sentence.)

Back in the palace, Crazy Dude wanders around looking for his (clearly dead) wife. Some Guy teleports in. "Lord of the Morning. I have come for you." DUN DUN DUNNNNNN. Crazy Dude calls Some Guy - in a dramatic whisper - "The Betrayer of Hope". DUN DUNNNNNNNN!

Some Guy works for Satan "Shai'tan". (Really?) Satan Guy is dressed in black and won't shut the fuck up with exposition (Nine Rods of Dominion! Gates of Paaran Disen! Some Other Capitalized Things!) and villain monologuing. Crazy Dude blissfully misses most of it, because he's so Crazy, until Satan Guy (Elan Morin) fixes the Crazy with some Satan-powered magic. Crazy Dude's skull is "a sphere of purest agony on the point of bursting." Which raises the question: Why bursting? Is bursting something that spheres of agony tend to do?

Turns out Crazy Dude accidentally caused the magical blow-up, because Shai'tan 'tainted' his magical power source in retaliation for some attack. Casualties: His lovely wife and tiny adorable wide-eyed children. Their adorable dead eyes ask WHY, Crazy Dude, WHY?

Crazy Dude is understandably upset about this, letting loose "a scream that came from his depths" (perhaps somewhere around the bladder, or the small intestine). Pausing only to treat us to Satan Guy and Crazy Dude taking mutual involuntary steps back from the other's dramatic gaze, Crazy Dude teleports away and immolates himself in a burst of melodrama so intense that it leaves a volcano in his place. THE DRAMA: IT IS VOLCANIC. Satan Guy is all "I'll get you next time, Gadget!"

Side note: The magic that's tainted is "the male half of the power that drove the universe." Oh great, the male/female 'divide' canonized as part of the cosmos. Sigh. Can I just tell you now how much I am not looking forward to seeing that elaborated on?

My Impressions So Far: Dialogue is not The Eye of the World's strong point; it's steeped in melodramatic exclamations and heavy-handed exposition. The plot seems interesting once you wade through the overwritten narrative - which seems to be a pastiche of Old Timey Writing. Character? Can't tell yet. I'll get back to you on that once actual characters show up.

As prologues go, this isn't too bad, and I'm not the biggest fan of prologues. It introduces a Big Story Problem, and starts in the middle of Horrible Things happening. I imagine this Tainted Penis Magic is important, and this is a better way to learn it than to be told that. Unfortunately, Jordan doesn't seem to have applied this principle to, well, anything else in the chapter.

Next time: Chapter 1!

Feb. 2nd, 2010

red rei

A Question of Content (Blogger xpost)

I've spent the past few days trying to puzzle out a nagging question: I've had this blog since 2007, and in all that time I never figured out what to do with it.

My original idea was that I'd use the blog to bitch about my own writing, yet I've done that very little, possibly because bitching about one's own writing is only sometimes funny, and annoying in large doses.

The most fun I've had blogging in the past few years wasn't even done here, but rather on my mostly-otherwise-abandoned Livejournal, snarking about D&D monsters. Since these were also my most popular posts (my 'most' I mean 'only'), it follows that perhaps I would do well to snark some more.

I considered reading through - and snarking about - the Twilight book series, but Cleolinda Jones has done this already, and more hilariously than I could hope to live up to. Not only that, but since she wrote those many other people have jumped on that bandwagon. So, that's kinda "out".

Which brings me to a curious problem I have.

I haven't read enough.

In an earlier post, I typed up my creative influences; the fantasy/sci-fi works, anyway. The list is noticeably devoid of many - most - popular works in the field.

To sum up this problem:

  • I'm working on a contemporary/urban fantasy novel, yet in that genre the majority I've read was by Neil Gaiman. No Laurell K. Hamilton. No Jim Butcher.
  • I'm working on an epic fantasy novel, yet the majority I've read was by George R. R. Martin. No Robert Jordan. No Terry Brooks.
  • I'm working on the script for a science fiction television show pilot (in spaaaaaaaaace), yet I've mostly just seen Battlestar Galactica and Star Wars (not even a TV series). No Babylon 5. No Farscape.
Why have I not read these books (or watched these shows)? Oh, various reasons. Maybe I always planned to but never followed through. Or maybe I just didn't get around to them. Some of them I've been actively discouraged from reading - they may be popular, I'm told, but they're crap. (Like Twilight, or so I'm told.)

Yet, if I'm going to be a respectable aspiring speculative fiction writer, aren't I kind of obligated to read these? Eh? A bitter pill, perhaps...

But on the other hand, if I can read them and tear them apart (or praise them) on this blog, then maaaaaayyyyybe Robert Jordan's twenty-billion-word super-mega-opus starts to look a little better. And after all, I did promise "snark" in my new blog subtitle. (And then my snarky D&D posts may look a little less out of place, and I can bring them over here, in from the cold of LiveJournal.)

So, first on my list: Robert Jordan's "Wheel of Time."
red rei

I Just Retitled My Other Blog (Blog xpost)

"Fairies, Sex, and Spacemen."

Third blog title I've used so far. The first was the evocative "Goldfish and Needles" - I liked that one, but neither goldfish nor needles have appeared on this blog, nor are likely to appear in the future. The second was the humdrum but utilitarian "Jake Jesson's Blog".

I think I like this one.

I almost titled it "The Mystical Vagina of Time" after the title of a (sadly, fictional) book series referred to in this post by Jay Lake on the larval stages of the common American speculative fiction writer:
After re-reading volumes I through XVII of A Game of Throne-Captains of the Mystical Vagina of Time, the writer will exclaim, “I could do better than this! A monkey could do better than this!” Many amazing careers have been launched from this moment. It should be honored, much like any moment of conception, possibly by bunking out for a wet wipe and a smoke afterward.
As I am one of these aforementioned larval American speculative fiction writers, it seemed somehow appropriate - if a little obscure.

Then a friend suggested "Fairies and Spacemen", in reference to my current works-in-progress and my plans for this blog, in reference to the poem / song Daisies, Cats, and Spacemen. I wanted a third word; I put "Sex" in there as a joke, and thought "Hang on - that could work."

Possible downside: I may now be contractually obliged to mention "sex" in every post. Hm...

Speaking of which, next post: Blog content!

Jan. 29th, 2010

red rei

Influences (Blogger xpost)

As an Aspiring Writer, I thought it would be an interesting experiment to list as many influences as I could, and how exactly the works listed influenced me. And I was right! So here it is.

I limited things to sci-fi and fantasy for convenience's sake. I'm sure I've missed a few, but c'est la vie.
  • Narnia - The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe and the Magician's Nephew - the first fantasy books I ever read. TLTW&TW haunted my dreams - literally - after I read it and it mysteriously vanished (I think my dad threw it out).
  • The television show "Gargoyles" - a huge influence; to the point where I try to include gargoyles in stuff I write in the same way fans of Tolkien include elves. Shit happened in Gargoyles; characters changed and evolved, and there were consequences to actions that didn't go away by the end of the episode.
  • The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind & Oblivion, expansive video game worlds which I spent hours and hours in. A great deal of what I write was dreamt up by running around in these worlds. Since I played them before seeing LotR, they created my taste in fantasy settings: Weird (especially Morrowind) and deep and convoluted, and damned contradictory. (In so few fantasy worlds do I see historians contradicting each other as much as they do in the real world.)
  • Lord of the Rings - but the movies, not the books; it was the acting not the writing that convinced me the characters were real, and the imagery that sucked me in. I read the books after I'd seen the last movie. I thought they were well done (no shit) but they didn't have any of the impact on my psyche that the movies did.
  • The Star Wars universe - even more so than the actual movies, since I bought the visual dictionaries before I'd ever seen one of the movies. Oh and I saw The Phantom Menace before the original trilogy. Oops?
  • Neil Gaiman's work - American Gods, Stardust, Sandman, Neverwhere - Gaiman is probably still my favorite author. He writes people that I believe are real, and thus I believe his stories are real.
  • Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett's Good Omens & Adam's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy convinced me of how important humor is.
  • The Animorphs series - introduced me, along with Gargoyles, to the idea that even in a bizarre world, horrible things can and should happen to your characters. Is also the reason I go in for psychological realism so much. Animorphs was about the costs and morality of war - not bad for a young adult series about shape-shifting kids fighting alien mind-controlling slugs.
  • George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire - what singlehandedly convinced me to write epic fantasy myself. Amazingly written characters and plot. Also reinforced my conviction that consequences matter - in other words, yes, you should let your characters die.
  • Certain Choose Your Own Adventure books (an alien world in the center of the Earth, searching for Nessie, memorable deaths on the third planet from Altair)
  • Various Mythology works - Perseus slaying the Gorgon, the Odyssey, Jason and the Argonauts...
  • The 1982 movie The Flight of Dragons - I think I only saw a couple scenes from this movie, and all I remember thinking was that the animation was lame, and how cool it was that the writers came up with 'scientific' explanations for the way the dragons worked.
  • Octavia Butler's work - Wild Seed, Xenogenesis (aka Lilith's Brood nowadays), Kindred - Wild Seed in particular struck me very hard and is one reason (besides Animorphs) that I love shapeshifters. And why great writing quality is important to me.
  • Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game - this book had a dramatic effect on me as a kid, and reading Card's how-to-write-sci-fi-and-fantasy book is part of the reason I wanted to write sf/f.
  • Neon Genesis Evangelion - yup, an anime. Sci-fi. Weird shit and the best sixty seconds of a single frame with no dialogue I've ever seen.
  • Dragon Ball Z. There, I said it. One of the influences I'm a little less proud of, thanks to the crap writing. But great fight scenes. Though I never knew that sometimes thirty minutes could last literally several hours.
  • Various 90's superhero cartoon series (Batman, Superman, X-Men, Spiderman) and books about superheroes - not the comics; I almost never read actual comics as a kid.
  • Harry Potter - for all the reasons everyone else loved Harry Potter.
  • Larry Niven's Ringworld - I'd never before read 'adult' sci-fi in which I was SO engaged by the characters.
  • Jules Verne - ironically only a biography of Verne, since I couldn't get ahold of his actual books as a kid. But the ideas were very inspiring!
  • The Matrix - for the sheer joy of the visuals. I want to evoke that kind of imagery in what I write. I also liked the apparent plot depth of the first one. (I said "apparent".)
  • Battlestar Galactica - last on the list only because it's the only recent thing I 'consumed' that I've felt seriously influenced by. I loved the darkness, the complex characters, the gritty realism.
You'll notice the absence of all but two famous epic fantasy series (three if you count Narnia - plus of course the Odyssey), and not that many Great Works. Some would call this list of influences remarkably paltry - I mean, there's children's television shows and a young adult book series high up on there, not to mention video games! - but more on that in a future post.

Jan. 23rd, 2010

red rei

On A Personal Note (xpost from Blogger)

I just spent upwards of two hours manually deleting a whole ton of spam comments that built up mysteriously while I was off the Internet for the better part of last year.

Granted, I was also doing some other (more useful, less onerous) things at the time as well, but still. By the end I was doing it by rote and was astonished to discover that there was nothing left to delete. I thought something had gone wrong.

Oddly, the spam was mostly concentrated on certain posts. Posting On Sleep Deprivation had a little under a hundred comments sporting porn, herbal remedies, and mysterious messages in Russian. Meanwhile, my brief and inane post on Twitter generated nearly that amount in Japanese-language spam.

Why? Only the Blogger deities know. Though maybe if I spoke Russian or Japanese, I'd be closer to an answer.

Jan. 22nd, 2010

red rei

On Blogging (xpost from Blogger)

(Stream of consciousness warning.)

You'd think I'd be a good blog person. I love the Internet, and I love babbling to complete strangers in written form. Yet, every time I get really into continuously updating some form of blog or online journal, life explodes on me. Or even if it doesn't explode, something happens wherein I lose regular internet access, and I just let the blog slide.

That happened over much of this year, actually. Part of being a homeless couch surfer (that's me!): whoever you're "surfing couches" with had better have internet. My college has internet, but I'm usually there for, yanno, school. My schedule is crazy otherwise, between the two jobs that barely fund the gas it takes to drive all over creation to get there. (Okay, only one of the jobs literally barely covers the gas required to get there. The other is very part-time too, though.)

It got bad enough that I had to go on hiatus for the script reading internship I had, because it paid nothing and wasn't likely to go anywhere until I'd kept at it for years, yet consumed lots of time (to do it right, anyway). And I loved that internship, even with the overall awful scripts I read and critiqued with more thoroughness and love than the authors seemed to put into a single scene. It was fun. My bosses liked me and my coverage. And I hope to go back. Shame.

Well, I'm temporarily living with a close friend who just got Internet. Will these mean I try keeping my blog up again? We'll see. Also, will I actually read through Twilight? Not so sure; it's been done so much it seems almost passe to critique it the way I earlier planned. Who knows?

Jul. 6th, 2009

red rei

We Are Horrible People

Jake: man, you're in complete flashback mode since Bleach, aren't you?
Jessica: yup, sure am
Jake: what next, jessie? WHAT NEXT
Jessica: lol I don't think there's anything left
Jessica: Xena?
Jake: SAILOR MOON ;)
Jessica: LOL oh God
Jake: hardcore sailor moon slash porn
Jake: and none of that girl/girl shit, that's just cheating
Jake: I want ALL of them as GUYS, fucking :D
Jessica: seriously
Jessica: wtf girl/girl
Jessica: there's no money shot
Jessica: how do you know it's over?

-----

(After watching this Vincent Kartheiser video)

Jessica: So I need to buy Crime and Punishment in Suburbia
Jessica: I don't care how shit the movie is
Jake: I might have to watch with you
Jake: just coz I love him
Jessica: yes
Jake: I reserve the right to bitch about the actual movies tho :D
Jessica: pish
Jessica: who cares about the actual movies?
Jessica: I just wanna watch him fuck some chick senseless
Jessica: ...was that my outside voice?
Jake: HAHAHAHA
Jake: AGREED.

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